A 3-step guide to meaningful change!
It’s that time of year when we all feel obligated to “start over”, making plans for ways we can change. Sure, on the surface resolutions seem helpful. Setting goals to achieve the change you want. Harmless, right? Motivating. Inspiring even.
The trouble is, when we think about resolutions, we often start focusing on our “faults”. We're not pleased with some (or many) aspects of ourselves, and we're looking to get rid of those "flaws". Quite often this revolves around our bodies, and we’re left feeling “less than” while also determined to “fix” ourselves. “Lose weight”, “get toned”, “burn fat”, to name just a few. And we dive head-first into whatever associated actions we think will achieve those desired outcomes, with little regard for whether they’re actually helpful or right for us. We don’t notice how these actions are making us feel. We don’t notice that maybe they’re actually harmful. All we are thinking is that maybe, JUST MAYBE, this is the key to “fixing myself”.
Then comes the aftermath. When we don't achieve the (unrealistic and unnecessary) desired outcome, we're left feeling all kinds of sh*tty. We’re disappointed we still have these “flaws”. We feel like we’ve failed, defeated yet again. A lot of guilt and shame shows up. Not exactly motivating or inspiring.
On the off-chance we do achieve our body-related goal, does it actually feel good? Is it sustainable? Likely not. Is it realistic to be doing hours-long intensive workouts at the gym every day, when you hate the gym? Is it realistic to never eat another carb, or to fast 2 days a week forever? To count every calorie going in, for the rest of your life? To be so hyper-focused on changing your body that you miss out on enjoyable activities that ACTUALLY support your wellbeing? Did losing some weight really lead to the true happiness you thought it would?
When I present these questions to clients, the response is usually something to the effect of “Oh, I’m not going to do it forever! This is just for now, until I lose the weight”. To that I say, “Ok, then what’s next?” Do you drop everything you’ve been doing and go right back to your previous routine? What happens if/when you regain the weight? Do you see yourself going on and off these extreme routines forever? Is this short-term plan really accomplishing what you want for your wellbeing? Where does it get you in the long run? It's important to think about how this short-term plan fits into the whole picture.
Listen, I’m ALL for personal growth and self-improvement - I’ve based my career on it! But why does it have to be focused on changing your body? Let’s rethink what it means to set goals that truly lead to meaningful change.
And why should the calendar dictate when you decide to try something new? In my opinion, it’s senseless to arbitrarily decide January 1st is the day to start. What if you’re struggling with some tough stuff in your life, and focusing on a New Year’s resolution isn’t realistic at the moment? What if you don’t know what change you want to make yet, and you randomly pick something that isn’t a good fit for you? What if you haven’t had a chance to think through your plan yet? What if you simply don’t have the means right now to prioritize the change you truly want to make?
These are NOT excuses, these are very normal reasons to hold off until you’re ready. Sure, there’s never a “perfect” time to get started, but there are times when it is more feasible to make a change, and more likely you'll succeed. If you feel like making a change on December 1st, or February 1st, or any other random day in the year…do it! Why wait for the new year to "get started"? When you're ready, start!
YOUR 3-STEP GUIDE TO MEANINGFUL CHANGE
I want to make it clear that, of course, change can be good! The thing is, when and what you decide to change matters. Growing and evolving as a person, caring for yourself, meeting your needs…these are all very worthwhile priorities. Give the change process the time and attention it deserves, when you’re ready.
How do you do that? Well, you can start by reading this guide! With a little bit of planning, you can achieve meaningful change in just 3 simple steps.
Step 1: Reflect On Where You’re At
Before randomly selecting a goal or resolution, it’s helpful to think about where you’re at and where you want to be. What change might feel right for you and support your wellbeing? This can be related to any aspect of your life - health, career, relationships, emotions, interests, spirituality, finances (read: NOT your body size!)
Something to keep in mind is that you’re not “starting over” or “starting from scratch” - there’s probably lots of things you’re doing that are helpful! You’re not starting a journey, you’ve already been on it! You’ve already come a long way in learning how to care for yourself. Explore areas of your life where there might be opportunities to enhance what you’re already doing. Start thinking about what's working well for you? What's not?
For example:
Are you always feeling tired and low-energy?
Are you often uninspired with the things you spend your time on?
Are you missing out on close connections with your loved ones?
Is your job feeling stale?
If you notice any of these things, consider the situation further:
Maybe you’re eating nutritiously but lacking enough sleep.
Maybe you’re spending time on things that you think you “should”, but missing out on things that are truly fulfilling.
Maybe you have great supportive friendships, but would like to spend more time with family.
Maybe you like your company but are ready for a new project.
For meaningful change, you could even dig a little deeper. Consider: what "fills your cup"? As in, what leaves you feeling rested? Recharged? Inspired? Invigorated? Soothed? Fulfilled?
Maybe you don't know the answer to these questions yet. That's ok! Maybe you make a plan to explore and pay more attention to what DOES feel good (this can be a goal in itself!)
Step 2: Choose a Goal
Once you have a better sense of what you need and the direction you want to go, consider goals that can help you get there. Pick one or a few ideas that truly speak to you and would help support your physical, mental, and/or emotional wellbeing. What resonates with you? The possibilities are endless!
Here are some ideas to help inspire you:
Take up a new hobby
Reconnect with old friends
Try a new relaxation technique
Get outside more
Learn a new skill
Organize your house
Sign up for a new class
Advance your career
Update you closet with new styles
Journal/gratitude journal
Do something creative
Challenge negative self-talk
Get more sleep
Practice feeling your feelings
Learn to play a musical instrument
Drink less alcohol
Decorate a room in your house
Let go of something that’s not serving you
Find opportunities for movement
Practice living in the moment
Say “yes” to new experiences (get outside your comfort zone!)
Volunteer in your community
Read more books
Start meal planning
Try out breathing meditations
Practice setting boundaries
Explore your own city/surroundings
Make time for yourself
Practice listening to your body
Get comfortable saying “no”
Work towards more sustainable/”green” living
Assess your financial situation
Drink more water
Practice mindfulness
Take up gardening
Procrastinate less
Quit smoking
Explore your body story
Ask for help when you need it
Start a collection
Practice self-compassion
Let go of perfectionism
Step 3: Make a Plan
Once you have an idea for a goal, it’s time to make a plan! Having a focus is helpful, but to be successful we really need to get more specific about how we want to achieve our goal.
Let’s use the example “get outside more”. It’s a great idea, but it takes a little thought and planning to make it happen effectively.
First, consider what “getting outside” looks like for you. Are there certain activities you want to do? Maybe others you don’t? For example, do you like kayaking but not biking? Is it easier to just get out and walk around, or do you like exploring different hiking trails? Do you prefer to simply sit out on your balcony or putter around in your backyard? Are there seasonal activities you want to get into? Are you willing to get out in all kinds of weather, or are you more focused on sunny days? Envision what it actually means for you to “get outside more”.
Next, consider whether you need any equipment or further knowledge to bring your vision to life. Do you need new running shoes or winter boots? Are you able to invest in that kayak you’ve been eyeing? Would some new patio furniture make your outdoor space more appealing? Do you know of good hiking trails in your area or do you need to do a little research? Are there clubs or groups in your area that align with the activities you want to do outdoors? Think of what you need to make your plan happen.
Finally, think about how you can build time into your routine. Do you want to establish a certain day/time as your “get outside” time (ex. Sunday afternoons)? Do you want to make it a habit to look ahead to the coming week and set time aside in your schedule? Do you want to centre get-togethers with friends around outdoor activities? Or do you like the idea of keeping it a bit more spontaneous? Find ways of making sure you’ll keep at it as time goes on.
As you can see, a goal like “get outside more” is great in theory, but it’s helpful to take it further and think about how to set yourself up for success!
I want to reiterate that making change and setting goals can be awesome! Investing in yourself is a wonderful thing. Work through the 3 steps I’ve provided to come up with a plan that suits YOUR needs, WHEN you’re ready!
If you’re feeling stuck and want a bit more support, you can book a FREE call with me to learn more about my services.
What’s your take on New Year's Resolutions? What goals are you thinking about for yourself in 2023? Let me know in the comments!
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